Each year in June, one Sunday is designated Father's Day. Broadly in Christianity, the primary image used to imagine God is Father. God the Father is the first person listed for the Trinity (it's not the time to get lost in the apologetics of three persons, one God). In Catholic Christianity, Jesus' earthly father, Joseph (called St. Joseph) , bears spiritual fatherhood to all believers in a special way (for more on St. Joseph and fatherhood/masculinity, check out this article, which I wrote in February, from The Catholic Moment). This holiday may be hard for some because perhaps, they lost a father in the past year, do not have a good relationship with their father (biological or otherwise), or maybe their father was absent from their life. I hope that these people experience some kind of comfort, hope, or peace on this Holiday. As June 16, 2024 is Father's Day, I wanted to reflect on 5 lesson which my own father has taught me. They are, in no particular order, as follows: 1. Family Mottos Merit Consideration, 2. Mature, but Never Lose The Ability to be Childlike, 3. If the Game's On, Don't Talk (Mostly), 4. Money Doesn't Grow On Trees, 5. Loyalty Means Everything. Time to run down that first base line to Number one.
1. Family Mottos Merit Consideration
This first lesson which my father has passed on to me is family mottos merit consideration. I have vivid memories of riding in the family car up to Cheboygan, probably for some holiday vacation, and my dad made a comment that the family motto was "Stick up for Stempkys". Immediately, in normal teenage fashion, one of my older brothers (not sure which), piped up with "no it's Dad does all the work". Then a back and forth ensued of my dad saying the former and myself and my siblings, as chorus, chanting the latter. While this is a funny anecdote, it encapsulates this first lesson.
While our immaturity led us not to realize what our father was trying to do, I think subconsciously we imbibed the motto which our father proposed. Our father was attempting to create a family culture. This is exactly why the family motto bears consideration. It simplifies the spirit of the Family culture. In my father saying our family motto was "stick up for Stempkys", he was trying to teach myself and my siblings to be loyal to one another, and support one another, that does not mean, of course, that we necessarily agree on everything. My siblings and I may not have missed this family culture building block moment, but yet, despite this a family culture of love (properly understood) and respect still emerged. It is from this family culture though, that my father gave me (and likely my other siblings) another lesson, time to move on to second base.
2. Mature, But Never Lose the Ability to be Childlike
I often quip "that my father seems to have not matured past the age of 12". This is not to necessarily call him immature, but it can definitely be taken that way. What I am really trying to get at is that my father often exhibits childlike joy and humor. Now, could someone call some of it immature, perhaps. No matter how old one gets it is possible to do things that can be seen as immature. Yet, in my father's childlike joy, I have realized that maturity means not being childish, but not rejecting being childlike.
One way that I have seen this over the past decade is through his role as a grandfather. On November 9, 2016, my father entered a new phase of his life; this phase was that of grandfather, as that day was the day almost 8 years ago, my nephew, Liam was born (yes, he was an election baby). In those early years, when it was just one, it was not so easy to she the childlike spirit of my father, but in the intervening seven years and some five more grandchildren have come into this world (Margaret (named for my mother), Theodore (middle name Gerald, after my father), Catherine, Michael (also with the middle name Gerald, after my father), and Peter). Throughout these years, I've seen him be the rough and tumble play partner for these children. Yet, that's not necessarily even my favorite part of seeing him as a grandfather, but in including them in his daily routine. With several of his grandchildren, granddaughters and grandsons alike, he has taken them to get the newspaper in the morning, or the mail in the afternoon. These moments I have seen give me a glimpse of those memories, which because of the natural processes of the brain, my siblings and I have forgotten, and only "know" through stories. His childlike joy (sometimes childlike frustration) certainly comes through when he is in front of the tv or in a stadium, watching sports. So to time to move to third base.
3. If the Game's On, Don't Talk (Mostly)
For years, there was not a Thanksgiving of which I do not retain memories of the ruckus of 20 or 30+ people crammed in to the farmhouse in which my dad grew up. One memory that sticks out to me deals with the annual Thanksgiving Lions' game, which with my dad's side being proud Michiganders, was mandatory viewing on Thanksgiving Day. Once, while sitting on the couch I realized it was time to visit the bathroom. So, I got up, not putting it together that doing so I'd block the television. Thus, I released the ire of the family. Even so it highlights the way in which sports brings the Stempkys joys (and often frustration).
While, you may be allowed to speak whilst a game is going on, you best not allow the conversation to be a distraction from the game. If the games gets intense, though if you utter a peep, be ready to be admonished for your mistake. I have learned much from these simultaneous watching/discussion conversations. It's is a great joy to see the joy my dad derives from watching sports, even if the team he supports massively screws up. So while, sometimes, it appears silence is better when sports on. Well, I'm out of baseball analogies so let's move on to fourth and goal.
4. Money Doesn't Grow On Trees
When I was very little, I was not aware of what his job was exactly, I was just happy that him working in an office meant free girl scout cookie soliciting (for lack of a better word). However, as I approached my young adult years, especially as I transitioned from high school to college. I remember sitting at our home computer in summer of 2018 realizing, oh...I do not have enough money to pay for college without loans. While that seems to be something my dad did not teach me, in a way he did, because he had me do the calculations on my own. Now even more, it was my college transfer in which my dad showed me money doesn't grow on trees.
At 21, I was quite annoyed at my dad's constant reminders about money irked me to no end. It, at the time, made me feel like I was going in blind to Franciscan, from a financial standpoint, and I knew I wasn't. Despite this reality, I now understand, my dad was trying to teach me that I was taking a financial risk by transferring to a more expensive school, even if it was better for my mental and emotional health, or at least at the time seemed like that was going to be the circumstance. No matter how much I felt going to Franciscan was a calling for me, the Lord bringing me to another home, which gives me a foretaste of the eternal home which he desires for me, I still needed to confront the reality that on this side of heaven, following this call meant some financial sacrifice. I can only be grateful to him now for teaching me this lesson, no matter how frustrating it seemed at the time. Well, we've made it, to the End Zone for a touchdown.
5. Loyalty Means Everything
I hope that throughout this post, a theme has emerged which ties these lessons together. This final lesson is that theme. My dad has taught me the value of loyalty. The most important area in which he's taught me the importance of loyalty is my faith. He's loyal to Catholicism in several important ways. It was him urging the family on to "get in the car" to make it to Mass each Sunday, in my younger years. He gave of himself (and still does) as a lector at Mass (particularly the 7:30 mass, which is why when us children became old enough to serve we were often scheduled at that mass when our dad was reading). Also for a time, he was part of the leadership for the Men's Club at my Childhood parish, and to this day is a very active member in it. Over the past several years, I have scene him participate in pretty much every bible study which the Parish has offered, and also really get invested, often to the point of inviting my mother and I to watch any video content that may come along with Bible study materials. So faith is definitely a space where I have learnt loyalty from my dad, even if that means politically it can make you feel partyless.
Of course, his loyalty to his family shines through. Whilst his mother, my busia, was in her last months of life, in 2018-2019, my father travelled frequently up north to Michigan to be with his ailing mother. He was the one tasked with writing her eulogy, which from my memory was pretty good. He made it to most of his children's high school and college graduations (my eldest sister, Samantha and my middle brother, Stephen graduated from college and high school, the same weekend in 2013). He's been there for my sister and my brother often when grandchildren have come into this world. Some of this dedication to his family has meant sacrificing work hours, or rather, often trying to frontload his work so he doesn't get behind because of things such as family vacations. So, all together loyalty is perhaps, the greatest lesson I've learned from my dad.
Conclusion
As I venture toward my 25th birthday this summer, it's nice to reflect on how in my (almost) 25 years on this earth, I have gained so much wisdom from my dad. It is true in a lot of ways that he was (with my mother, of course), my first teacher. He still, in many ways is my primary teacher. These lessons which he has taught me, show me what true masculinity looks like, and the qualities to look for in a potential husband (ok, dad put that gun down). I am blessed to call Gerald Francis Stempky, my dad, and one day, god willing, the grandfather, of my own children. Happy Father's day everyone.
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